Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
