I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
