I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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