Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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