You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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