did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
