I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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