I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
