eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
