if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
