Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
