He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
