We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's shark week go big or go home
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
