well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was like eating out sand paper
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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