What a fucking waste of an outfit
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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