i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize