I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
