yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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