Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
