Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
