All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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