and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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