yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize