my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
