Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
