Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We need to get me chipped asap
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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