He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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