take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
