i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
