Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
