Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
