Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
