I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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