i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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