In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
