I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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