Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
