She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize