mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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