It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
