But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
