The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
