I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
