Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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