Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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