Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
