I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You ruined the universe
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
