I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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