He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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