i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The best revenge is premature balding
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
