i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
