On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
