Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
