6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
