So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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