Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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