Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
