i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
