tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
