FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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