i think my tv is drunk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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