Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
