i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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