Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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