I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
