I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
