All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
