Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize