"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
