you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
