I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His hands were made for my vagina.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
