This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
