Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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