david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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