I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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