I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize