for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
